Boks ‘treated All Blacks like their bitch’

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Controversial New Zealand talk show host Martin Devlin says the All Blacks have no chance of winning the 2023 Rugby World Cup after they were dominated by the Springboks in Nelspruit.

The Springboks piled more misery on to an All Blacks team coming off a historic home series loss to Ireland by claiming a 26-10 victory in the opening clash of the Rugby Championship. The 16-point margin was the Springboks’ biggest ever over the All Blacks in the professional era.

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On the back of five defeats in their past six Test matches, the All Blacks have plummeted down the World Rugby Test rankings into fifth place, a dramatic fall from grace for a team that had an iron grip on the top spot between 2011 and 2017.

Speaking on ‘The Platform’ podcast, Devlin slammed the All Blacks for their latest performance at Mbombela Stadium, where the Springboks were dominant up front and rocked their opponents with an excellently organised pressure defence.

“We have no one capable of breaking a tackle, no one can bend a line, we have no fear factor, no intimidation,” said Devlin. “We look like a fourth former [ninth-grader] fighting a sixth former [12th-grader] at school. As tough and angry and ginger as you might be, the bigger guy inevitably beats up the little guy. In World Rugby terms right now, we are the little guy and everybody knows it. They are lining up to punish us.

“Our forwards can’t retain the ball. We have no answer to their super-fast rush defence. We have been beaten by their rush defence for the last four years. The facts are that we are a very average side, full of players who are really good at Super Rugby level, but seriously inadequate when it comes to hard-nosed, brutal, bullish Test rugby.”

“I have never felt this defeatist about the All Blacks ever. We are not winning the World Cup next year. Not with this squad, we have zero chance.”

Devlin said that New Zealand’s excellent results over Australian teams in Super Rugby Pacific – which does not include the South African franchises – have pulled the wool over their supporters’ eyes.

“We are a team of flat-track Super Rugby bullies. We are great at beating up the Aussie sides. But, sadly for us, none of the Aussie sides play Test rugby and none of them are going to be at the World Cup next year.

“I reckon we are like watching a Super Rugby U19 development squad trotting out against the Taranaki first-grade club champions. The budding, beautiful, gym-bunny boys, the tattoed, Instagram, crazy haircut crowd that simply get mashed, physically mashed. That’s where we are.”

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The All Blacks’ poor run of form has piled heavy pressure on head coach Ian Foster, with New Zealand Rugby refusing to back him beyond the two Rugby Championship fixtures in South Africa.

Devlin said that if Foster is sacked, then NZR chief executive Mark Robinson should also resign.

“I have never felt this defeatist about the All Blacks ever. We are not winning the World Cup next year. Not with this squad, we have zero chance.

“So, how do we escape the malaise, New Zealand Rugby? Sack the coach? Sure. Replace half the players? Go on. Please tell me at the very least that you are going to be at least conducting another review after Joburg. Please tell us that you will be at least hiding behind that.

“Meanwhile, the CEO Mark ‘Night of the Long Knives’ Robinson is poised to backstab the very guy he put in the job. If Foster goes, then so should you, Caeser. Fall on your sword. Your administration is a woke joke.”

Devlin finished by paying tribute to the Springboks for a “textbook” display of how to win a Test match.

“I have to finish by at least being magnanimous. Well played, South Africa. Totally dominant in all aspects: ball in hand, territory, defence, forcing errors, making turnovers, scoreboard pressure. How to win a Test match textbook style.

“They did to us what we used to do to teams. You had Malcolm Marx; we had a forward pack that gets told to go out and ‘express themselves’.

“We are now fifth in the world and that’s the truth. That’s where we’re at. Suck it up, own it. We are fifth. As the young people might say, ‘They treated us like their bitch’.”

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Photo: EPA/KIM LUDBROOK

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Dylan Jack